I Did Not Know My Weight

"Lalitha, not again!"

I got down from the Light-on-Light-off Pillar that ate coins and ran towards Mother. She told me not to go running towards them again. Last Warning. You never messed with Mother's Last Warnings. With Father, you didn't mess at all. I always loved catching trains. I liked the Train Girl's voice who told Father where the train would come and we would run to catch it. She would speak to me in my head even days after we had done being on the train. Father never told me where the Train Girl was. I always looked around, but in the sea of feet, dragging wheels, and sometimes dragging feet, I could never locate her. When we were going to Madurai yesterday year, I asked Mother where Train Girl lived and if I could be her. 

"But don't you want to be a doctor?"

"But, Train Girl. I can see my patients when there are no trains coming for us."

"But then what happens to the other people? How do they know what train to go to?" 

Mother was smart. That is why she was a doctor. Maybe she had been a Train Girl too, because she sometimes knew where the train would come even when Father did not, when Train Girl hadn't called. Father was fair and funny, I wasn't, Mother wasn't, but sometimes they laughed at what I said. He sometimes spoke to me in Punjabi, because Father was Punjabi which was Far Away. For Far Away we needed trains. We lived in Pernampattu. For Not So Far Away, we used buses. Buses had six wheels, sometimes four wheels. Ms. Jacobs told us. 

There was another Light-on-Light-off Pillar, I looked at Mother. And this time she looked at Father, and he smiled. He kept the bag of murukku and coconuts on his shoulder on the ground near Mother, and then held my hand and took me to the Pillar, while Mother waited. I told Father I love him and hopped onto the Pillar, and the Wheel started to move. Father told me I'd have to stop moving so much, otherwise my weight wouldn't register properly. I stood still. Father put coins for it to eat. The Light off-ed and then spat out a card that I couldn't reach. Mother was calling. Father did not even read the card, just picked me up and ran towards Mother. But, I wanted to know my weight. Mother kept saying something hurriedly to Father as he hoisted the bag again on his shoulder, and grabbed the suitcase and started walking, fast. But, Train Girl hadn't announce anything yet. Mother stared at me angrily, and I didn't speak. Maybe the card from the Pillar told them where to go, maybe Train Girl ran it, and it didn't have my weight at all. I held my tears back. I wanted to know my weight.

Some time later, when the train had come and we were on it, Father's face was happy again. He kept the bag with the coconuts on the side and then our suitcase. He took out the jingling chains and fastened them to the seat. My legs kept coming in the way, so Father picked me up and handed me to Mother who kept looking outside the window. I could still hear Train Girl telling other people where to go. I liked Train Girl. 

I woke up wanting murukku, when I saw Four Loud Men sitting beside Father on the other seat. They were all big, tall and weren't cold with the AC. Two Loud Men had hair on their lip like Father. I did not like hair on the lip. But Father liked it. In the mornings that I wouldn't want to ride on Father's scooter to Ms. Jacobs in Kids' Nest because Adithi came in a car, and I sometimes got wet in the rain, Father would try to kiss me and his hair on the lip would come in between. Mother was sitting with me, reading a magazine. The Other Two Loud Men with no hair on the lip started singing a Tamil song loudly, and laughing. The Two Loud Men got up on the Top Floor Seat , laughed and played the song on their phone.

Mother slowly pulled me towards her, when Four Loud Men asked me what my name was.

"Lalitha."

"Lalitha, growing up to be as pretty as your mother?"

"Yes. I will be Train Girl like her too."

They looked at each other and laughed. Mother slapped me, and told me not to talk to them. Father, meanwhile got up and said something to them. They started playing the songs on their phone louder.

Father and Mother discussed something in hushed whispers. I kept looking at the Four Loud Men. One of them winked at me. I smiled back. He then pointed to his leg, then bobbed his head up and down with his mouth open, like when Ms. Jacobs taught us how to say O. I didn't know what he meant. "Ask your Mother", the Other Two Loud Men said. Four Loud Men laughed. Loudly. I smiled, and tried copying what he was doing. They laughed even louder. Father rose, and shouted. Even louder. The Four Loud Men said sorry. I did not know what they were saying sorry for, much like I did not know my weight.

Late at night, I woke up to a scream. Mother's scream. Mother's elbow hit my eye as she tried to push off Four Loud Men who tried to wrestle with her. People rushed from other places and took them away. Everyone asked Mother if she was okay. Mother held me to her chest tightly. I couldn't open my eyes, or breathe. Mother cried. I cried. I heard Father. I heard them talk in hushed whispers, throughout the night. Not like Four Loud Men or like Everyone. 

We reached the next day, at noon. There were different Light-on-Light-off Pillars here. I looked at Mother again. She was irritable, and did not even look at me. I sat on the floor, saying I wouldn't go and I was tired. Father hired a coolie to pick the bag of murukku and coconuts because he had to pick me. 

"This must be twenty kilos, sir", I heard him say.
I still did not know my weight.